Farewell 2025: My greatest loss and wins...

Farewell 2025: My greatest loss and wins….

 

My greatest loss this year:

(deep breath…sighs) was the death of my beloved sister-friend. If I looked like I lost my best friend, I did. Now, I know what it means to lose a best friend and sister in one. I lost the first person I felt comfortable calling her a big sister. A person I talked to everyday by call or text. I lost a person who taught me so many things: foster and maintain healthy relationships, setting boundaries, importance of grief therapy (after losing my father), the importance of financial stability/investing, understanding politics (even if you disliked it) and government. She was really the smartest woman I knew. I miss knowing what to expect in the next year, in politics and government because of her. She never failed. This year, she truly got it right again…about everyone in office.

This loss was unexpected and painful. It was nothing compared to the many deaths of loved ones in the previous year(s). I was given time to prepare and accept (at least, I think) what was to become of a loved ones’ death. Not with this one. Death, for sure, proved to me that it is the worst thief; and grief is its greatest accomplice. I lost a lot of sleep. I possibly cried more than a newborn. I wept and was full of anger like Sally Field in Steel Magnolias at the gravesite of her daughter. I wept for my sister and asked “why” a million times. Not for me but for her son. My Godson/nephew will never know beyond the 15 years of his life of what he knows about her so far. She’ll never see him graduate from high school and college, become the male adult she dreamed of, or continue be the best mentor and lifeline to him as she has to many, near and far. The kindest, most emotional intelligent, and mature kid was cheated. But, we realized, together, that we have no choice but to accept God’s assignment. We all have a time. We all have an expiration. And it was her time for much needed peace and rest, and our time to continue to live, in memory of her and for ourselves.

 

My greatest wins this year:

1)       Beating the flu and its post viral syndrome (PVS) symptoms. I caught it for the first time in February via airport (I forgot my mask!  Ugh!.. Never again!) on my way back from burying my sis. It was brutal. I had chest pains for the first time in my life! Scared me. I developed vertigo for 6 months. Even more scary. So, if you haven’t seen me for a while, this is why. I was trying to defeat this new abnormality while preparing a strong future for my godson. I’m much better now.

2)       Overcoming anxiety. Temporarily, after the loss of my sis and battling the flu, I developed anxiety and was prescribed medication to treat it. It took me 2 weeks to pick up the medication from Walgreens. I circled the store twice in denial about it. And when I finally claimed my prescription, I parked in a parking lot to read the side effects. It read: You may experience suicide thoughts and ideation. I began to pray over myself: “God, you know the devil is a liar and forever will be. I love life very much. I can't take this. I can’t. I have no desire to feel this way about the life you blessed me with. Please remove this feeling of anxiety. I understand why you took my sis. I understand… just help me get through this level of grief. I have to be here for her son and for myself. Please, God, help me overcome this. I don’t know how…but I know you will. You have always been my greatest source of strength.”  I never took one pill. I’m relieved and at peace… still grieving though. Like the band, The Internet, sings…It Gets Better (With Time).

3)        Being able to remain financially stable. This is not a boast at all, truly a blessing indeed. A portion of my income relies heavily on diversifying earnings in research and science ranging from government, education, and consultation. I can’t believe I eye witnessed what I loved the most, public health/epidemiology and science be nipped and tucked, lose consciousness then be resuscitated, and still today, remain on the chopping block. Seeing policies being dismantled and restructured, endorsed budget cuts tremendously permitted, public health agencies and programs being destroyed, affected the heartbeat of why I wanted to devote my energy, time, and passion in this field was heartbreaking. It was never for money, not even for recognition and awards. I craved to make footprints in this role to simply improve someone’s wellbeing, and advance science and research and education, where limitations remain for underrepresented, under celebrated, and under supported women like me.

4)       Remaining myself and doing the honest good for goodness’ sake. I eye-witnessed tables turning. I saw the prideful and arrogant, cruel and envious learn the importance of humility and grace.  I saw those who lacked faith, learn the power in prayer. This was truly a revelation year. I understand when God says “no”… when you don’t get the job or position you prepared yourself for. I understand why my ideas were taken. I understand why my research was copied. I understand…Because he knows what we need before we ask (Matthew 6:8).

 

God: You allowed us to survive another 365 days! Thank you and all the angels you send to carry and protect me!

Family, Friends and Community: If you saw me and hugged me, prayed for me, held me and cried with me, fed me, danced with me, laughed with me, loved on me in anyway, God knows I love you to death! Thank you. I don’t take you and anything you do for me for granted! God bless us all! May we all build what we want and become what we desire. It is written… Let me know. I’ll be the first there… if not, the second with plus one or more. 💜😇😘

 

Love,

Danielle




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